i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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