Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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