When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
