Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
