I'm jealous of your bromance
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just google imaged poop.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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