Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
