he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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