I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
