I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
