You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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