your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
