Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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