Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
