You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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