my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
