Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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