Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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