oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
