I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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