i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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