are you so shy because you have an std?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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