K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
