i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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