i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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