dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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