Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize