If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
