we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I FOUND THE LEGS
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
