well I can't set my house on fire every night
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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