you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
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Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
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Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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