I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize