I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
