I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
