There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
