I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
