Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
