why didn't you poke me back
I puked a lego.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
