theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
