fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
