matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
