I wanna passion pit in your ass
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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