Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
