my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
