That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
