Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
