It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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