Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
