I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
