ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
