Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
