Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
