I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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