People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
