btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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