yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
