I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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