forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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