4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
