You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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