My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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