My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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