i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
