you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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